Defraging through Divorce is Painful, but in the end lots of clutter clears and things run smoother. Me
Funny how after the dust settled with the divorce – all the settlement arguments and angst, kids’ new place set up at their dad’s, bills and deed changed over, alimony and child support regulated, car titles swapped – life settled back into almost, somewhat normal, peaceful flow. We were tense and furious and afraid about so much.
Funny how he could be nice again. He could be generous with taking kids, and I could suddenly be generous with an unintended digression, even more so than before the divorce. Funny how he and I became nice again – 2 and a half years later. I guess after the hurricane, most things turn and settle, and it leaves. The other day, when he dropped the kids, I even gave him half a cherry pie we no longer wanted – just like old times – and he gratefully accepted.
I think the kids need to see that kind of thing. I imagine it’s healing return to who we naturally are towards each other, with new emotional and sexual boundaries. It’s seems terribly unrealistic to just shred apart all that was, and do what my first lawyer suggested – never see or spend time together for a year. “And then maybe something short – like put-put golf.” (I know he meant well).
Reality is, there’s no formula – it’s just a storm to weather in our own ways, with our own coping skills.
A neighbor, who found through the grapevine that I was divorced, took over mowing our lawn when he saw my 15 year old pushing our hand mower, something I purchased to cut down on pre-divorce expensses. He was really nice too – nothing expected. We made him a blueberry pie.