Keeping Peace in Adversity


Working With Your Stbx (soon to be ex)

First, you’re relieved you made the decision, or your crushed you’re being left. Somehow you come to terms with it in the days to follow, and think this descision to divorce is the hard part. You might think all we’ve got to do is divide the stuff, set visitation for kids, get an apartment, tell our relatives and friends and we’re done.

While you have survived one big hard part, you’ve most likely got a harder part coming – separating yourself and your business from your spouse. Working through who will live where, how you’ll divide bills and money, who will get primary custody of the kids, who’s staying in the house might seem absolutely impossible as you realize you no longer work together, but as separate entities with distinct, dissimilar views of what’s fair and good.

One attorney I worked with during my contentious divorce said to me as I left her office after a long initial consult, “Try to get along with him.”  Him, was my ex, a bright lawyer who didn’t want to leave or the divorce.

That advice went a long way. As much as I was furious often at delay tactics and unreasonable expectations through the process, I worked hard to negotiate what I could peacefully with my stbx, and left the rest to the attorneys. I found the more fights we had, the more antagonist I became, and the more depressed I got. When I was concilaiatory and non-arguementative, he was better in the process. When he was better, I was better – the whole thing was better.

“If possible, so far as it depends upon you, live peaceably … ,”  Rom 12:18

General Info for Dads and Moms: &


About Dee

I teach English at a local community college and am raising two children; I like to paint, write, pray, read, hike and travel.
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